I lay in bed last night, sleepless, struggling again with doubt about the meaning of my life, wondering what I am contributing to the world. I am so full of passion and good intent! And I'm not sure what I have to show for it.
I am at times a casualty of my culture, falling prey to the insistent, insidious competition mindset, the idea that we have to be better, bigger, more than.
I am particularly prone to getting down on myself for not making much money. Ever. While some women welcome the role of domestic partner, it has been difficult for me these 30-odd years. Though I'm good at my job, I don't feel well-suited to it.
So as I lay there, I tried to enumerate all the things I've done in my life that I'm proud of , beginning with a list of all the different ways I have made a little money over the years: teaching piano, taking care of others' children, publishing a book (well, really, that was a net loss venture), creating and teaching a class at Portland Community College, teaching music in my girls' school.
There are lots of things I've done without any monetary renumeration at all, but I wanted to explore how I've made money and how I've felt about my various money-making ventures.
I began to smile as I realized that the things I'm most proud of are the things I've created:
the book ("For Love of a Child: Stories of Adoption"), the class ("Principles and Practices of Conscious Living"), the Americana program I created and produced at Lake Creek Learning Center ("Singing Our Way Across the USA"). None of those projects made a mark in my disposable income. But they each brought a sense of pride and joy (hey, how apt!) I made something and I shared it and maybe I helped. And maybe that's enough.
Announcing Segullah November 2024 Edition
5 weeks ago
Funny you should say that. See, I have always been pretty good at making money, not a lot, but enough to make our ends meet. And now, just because I can. It was more of a necessity for me in the early years of our marriage, as you know. I've also done a lot of volunteering over the years, but not so much lately, since I've been working more. So I've been thinking about how I can do more volunteering, perhaps using my newly acquired music therapy skills. It's been brewing for some time, but I really need to get off my bum and figure it out.
ReplyDeleteI honestly think the idea of making money is so overrated. But, perhaps I don't buy into the idea that the more money you make, the greater your success has been in life. I don't like that line of thinking, so I choose not to believe it. Money is neccessary to live, of course, but the idea that one's life success is based upon their net worth is just ridiculous, in my humble opinion.
ReplyDeleteI have no problem with making money! I love getting paid for my knowledge and expertise! But it doesn't really make me happy. It makes me happy that I can do just as well at making money if life demands. I think what I love most is being valued and getting paid to do my work well is the simplest. One the other hand last 3 years spent making babies was the funnest. I loved fully devoting myself to my lovelies and being loved all the time! I think your children are your net worth. Thus your grandchildren. Think of your amazing 5 grandsons if you have doubts again at night. I think you are such a valuable contributing member of our society because of your contributions you make to our lives! Thanks for that!
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