COUPLING

Stephen and I went to our first Couples class last night, an offering of the local Community Ed program. You won't find me saying much about marriage in this blog because . . . well, just because. But it was a great class. It's called "Lasting Relationships" and apparently, it's funded by a government grant from some department about healthy living. The whole 10-hour course costs just $15 for the both of us, including snacks and child care. I am always alert to a great deal, and judging from our first session, this is a great deal.

Here's the most helpful thing I learned: guys feel loved when their gals just hang out with them. We all know there are some important differences between men and women, and we also know that these are to be taken only as generalities. But apparently, my husband (and in general, all male partners) feels connected to me simply by being with me, even if we don't talk or actually do anything. This explains his comment -- "I enjoyed today!" -- the day we rode around in the car (I've forgotten why) without any conversation or purpose. My memory of that day is, "I could have more fun alone; this is so boring!" Or the time we went out to dinner and he happily ate in silence while I thought, "I'm bringing a book next time."

Women need conversation to feel connected. Men apparently don't. Of course, there has to be a lot of give and take so that everyone's needs are met in a relationship. But the point I want to remember is that my partner has different ways of feeling connected, different ways of judging how the relationship is going. You'd think after 31 years of marriage, I would already know to remember this, but hey, that's what Couples class is for.